Goat Simulator 3 is the most mind-bogglingly insane game I’ve ever played. Engineer Espresso Stain North’s resolutely defiant disposition is clear in everything from the confused “story” to interactivity so beyond ludicrous that a fraction of the time it’s difficult to determine what’s going on – even the title won’t carry on honestly, skipping Goat Test system 2 and going directly to three for not a glaringly obvious explanation. When you add four-player co-op to a game that is so absurd that it’s hard to imagine being bored for even a second, the madness gets even worse as you run around a large open-world map full of things to lick, headbutt, and blow up. One of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen is this insane sequel, which is bigger and full of silly jokes and references to pop culture. At first sight, it was love.


Goat Simulator 3 is an open-world sandbox game like the original that doesn’t even bother with things like a tutorial or any kind of plot (if you can even call it that). Rather it releases you and your companions on the world and expresses “go on – break everything,” as you complete a progression of illogical conclusion journeys and accomplishments of disorder. You’ll do typical goat stuff like drop an atomic bomb on a parkway, influence a triplet of ballet performers to transform into a monster twister that never disappears until the end of your experience, or drive vehicles into your companions until they detonate (both the vehicles and the companions). However, this time around, in contrast to the first Goat Simulator, you are given clear goals and a quest log that lead you to upgrade your Goat Castle base, increasing your Illuminati Ranks and eventually arriving at an extremely bizarre conclusion after roughly eight hours. You can probably guess how insane the quests are: In one, I had to infiltrate a facility to unleash a race of anthropomorphic bananas on the world, while in the other, I was elected President after dragging citizens kicking and screaming into a voting booth with my tongue. In addition, in another, I merely went bird watching. It was delightful that I had no idea what they were going to throw at me at any given time.

Since you don’t have a health bar and can’t be killed by anything, there are rarely any consequences for your actions, which can be both good and bad. You won’t have to worry about failing at anything, so you can tackle challenges with reckless abandon on the one hand. On the other hand, it also takes away any potential challenge, so you can get through any challenge with relative ease. All things being equal, the tomfoolery comes from designing imaginative ways of finishing things, similar to that time I changed myself into a little fish to stay away from a security framework and pull off a heist.

In addition, you will complete a list of less important challenges known as Instincts. These challenges might ask you to get arrested a certain number of times, set people on fire, or drive a car up a ramp for the sake of it—all of which are good, chaotic distractions. You can also look for collectibles out in the world, which is usually hidden in places where jumping off rooftops or other silly things is required. However, you are provided with so many insane and overpowered tools that it is simple to find workarounds, such as using expandable stilts to simply ascend to the level of something. Collecting collectibles becomes a straightforward scavenger hunt with no challenges once you realize that. Impulses and collectibles don’t assist you with expanding your Illuminati Positions or completing the mission, however, they truly do allow you to acquire some additional Goat Focuses to purchase beauty care products. A portion of those even affects interactivity, similar to a rocket launcher you can wear on your back or butterfly wings that let you skim through the air. You also have the option of purchasing a skin called Tony Shark, which transforms your goat into a shark riding a skateboard—or whatever floats your boat.

The world in Goat Simulator 3 is much bigger and has more secrets and chance encounters than in its predecessor, which is a huge improvement. There is a spooky cemetery with ghosts, a big city with skyscrapers to climb, and a wooded area. Each has its vibe and list of weird things to find. I played Horror Corridor, a nearly exact replica of the P.T. demo with a dumb goat goodness instead of a creepy lady, in a hidden area. The most enjoyable aspect of this bizarre sandbox is without a doubt discovering the extremely bizarre encounters and Easter eggs, which frequently made me laugh out loud.

While Goat Test system 3 is engaging an adequate number of all-alone, the genuine capability of this huge island loaded up with craziness is opened up when you share it with companions. Local split-screen and four-player online co-op are both available, and I don’t know of any other game that feels more at home on a couch with the degenerates I call friends than this one. Not only does causing trouble with my friends increase the chaos by up to four times, with up to four times as many goat psychos running around, but it also allows you to advance four times as quickly because everyone can complete missions in completely different areas of the map without any difficulty. Despite this, my group tended to just annoy one another rather than accomplish anything. There are also half a dozen competitive minigames, like King of the Hill and The Floor is Lava that are fun ways to pass the time. However, they are all pretty basic and lose their appeal after a few games because it is just more fun to run around the open world and headbutt police cars.

Goat Simulator 3 really only has one big problem: bugs and bad performance. But honestly, even those problems can work in a sandbox this chaotic. I found my direction into objects I shouldn’t have stalled out in and shook the framerate to startlingly low levels during snapshots of particularly strong disorder, and that’s just the beginning. Also, there are a lot of ugly pop-ins that don’t feel like part of the joke and make things look a little rough. These issues were especially bad when playing on split-screen when a lot of goats challenged the world’s stability, but none of them significantly affected the experience as a whole.

The Verdict

Goat Test system 3 is the advancement in stupidity I’d expected from this famously bizarre series. It probably won’t impress you with its polish or deep, meaningful story, but sometimes it’s a good idea to ignore your thoughts and buck your hooves into an old lady’s face as she fires a rocket launcher at you. I can easily recommend this to anyone with a taste for its absurd sense of humor and a few hours to kill with a larger map, more ridiculous references and hilarious jokes, and multiplayer that only makes the absurd fun even better.


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